Friendship Part 2

Regarding my recent blog concerning friendship, one thing that I touched on that I been thinking about lately is my lack of non-black friends. As I write, I would say that I have three good friends. Two black men, and my wife, who happens to be mixed-race. Why no Asian, or white people? I honestly don’t know. It’s not something that I have set out to accomplish. Over time it has just occurred. The closet I got to having a really good white friend was my boy Mark Gooding. Again, this friendship was football related, as he was my partner in the centre of midfield for my old football team. How mark had the gift of the gab, and he would always wind up the opposition, and in the process reduce me to tears. Soon I was being invited around his house, meeting hid Dad & girlfriends (I was a late developer when it came to the ladies). We shared a love of Black music, and enjoyed a good laugh. He was a part time DJ, and he would often do tapes for me of the latest releases. This friendship came to an end, once the team we were in disbanded. Since then I can’t say that an opportunity has arisen for me to develop a friendship with a white male, but I am open to the prospect. The times may be against this happening. Could we be open about our views on Race, with out jeopardising our friendship? I’m not sure. As regards to a friendship with an Asian man, I haven’t experienced anything like this since school days. I still bump into old friends from school, but these are no more than small talk. Why does it bother me? Well I won’t say that it bothers me, but I think that both sides could gain a lot from the experience. But I don’t hold out much hope, as I have discovered that the older I get the less new friends I make.

Friendship

Recently I have been reflecting on the nature of friendship. How would I define it, and has this definition changed over the course of my life? Well, as a child, any one who knew my name, would be someone that I would consider a friend. Then, when was in junior school, a friend was a person that not only knew my name, but someone I would hang with, and play football with, go around their house etc. In secondary school the script was flipped. We were all coming of age, so to speak, and the boundaries and definitions changed again. Friends you may have known, from childhood, were now people who hung out with a different crowd. People were 'peer-pressured' into certain groups, whilst acknowledging, a friend hanging around with people from a so-called 'inferior' group would do major damage to your rep. From the get-go, my friends were defined by football. Some came way of the park, where I would go up to complete strangers and ask for a game. Speaking to people who knew me at that time, i wasn't one who conversed about much else but football, and being shy didn't help. But the love of a kick around was enough for me to pluck up the courage. Secondary school was around the time that I noticed that my definition of friendship changed, and in turn the number of people i could count as a friend decreased. As i refused to be something that I wasn't, I was a floating person, belonging to no group, keeping my head down, and toward the end of my school days, having fallen out with the one guy i used to hang with, spending more time on my own. This was the time when i would pursue certain people to be friends with. Now this wouldn't be based on any shared interests or anything. In truth I don't think it was based on anything but a desire to have a friend. But i soon learnt that friendship wasn't like that. They can't be forced. They just happen. Since these times I have also noticed two things. The first is that the older I get, the less new friends I make. And the second is that I have no real non-black friends. Now how would I define a friend? A friend too me is someone who I can be 'me' with. Someone who I can share the deepest most intimate thoughts from my mind, whilst holding no fear that these will be thrown back in my face. Some one that is not afraid to disagree with me when I'm wrong, who comes to mind when I have great news to share, and is there in times of trouble. Am I a good friend? I couldn't tell you. No doubt I have angered, disappointed, and let down my friends, as they have to me. But they are still my friends, for better or worse. Stand up my Wife, Roddy Rock, and Mikee Fresh. Thanks for your friendship. I hope my friendship is what you have expected

Don't Men Like fashion?

I know that this might be unusual for a man to say, but I like to look good. I enjoy wearing well fitting, fashionable clothes. There I said it. Now you might be wondering so what, don't most people, including men, like to look good? Well not according to the fashion patrol squad that I see on TV, or in publications. Example, on purchasing my daily newspaper on Friday, I read that a colour supplement of the latest fashions would be in the Saturday edition. Upon which, when I purchased the Saturday edition, the colour supplement was dedicated to the latest women’s fashion for that season. Now most of my friends (except Mr. Morgan :) like to look good, and with the limited budget we have, as fathers & husbands, strive to do so. But are we catered for to any extent? No. What's that I hear you say? Don't GQ, Arena, and other 'Men’s' magazines? cater for men? Well to a point. If you can wade through the soft core images of naked women. Why do these publications treat all men as if we are all the same? I'd love a monthly men’s mag which incorporated fashion, health, music, gadgets, with out the soft core images. Oh, yeah and another thing. Do these fashion types think that we all earn 50,000 pounds a year? My same daily newspaper (daily Telegraph) recently had an excellent men’s supplement, fronted by that excellent actor Clive Owen. Inside the latest fashion essentials for the summer season were featured alongside men face & hair products. But, when I had a closer look, the prices quoted made me despair. 50 pounds for a belt*! 500 pounds for a pair of shoes. Who can afford such prices? But, if men’s fashion is more expensive that it's female counterpart, why isn't it given equal exposure? I wrote an e-mail to the fashion editor of the daily telegraph saying as much, but to this day, I’m still waiting for a reply. Lastly, to finish off my moan , could someone explain to me, why, when I do see men’s clothes modeled at a fashion event, that, in my humble, even Worzel Gummridge wouldn’t even be seen dead in any of the clothes worn. Ah, I’m getting to old for this!

Metrosexual Man?

Recently on my way to work I noticed a young 'lady' get onto my carriage. Now I say lady, but I spent most of the journey trying to work out if it was a man or women. The person in question had skinny jeans on, longish hair, clean shaven. Now normally the hips, or the signs of an Adam’s apple would be a giveaway, but both were absent from this person. It got me thinking about the outward appearances of men & women, and how these have changed dramatically over the last 25 years. There was a time where you knew where you stood. Men had beards, facial hair, maybe the occasional earring, chest/body hair, and clothes that were vastly different to their female counter parts. A defining point and change in the landscape was the event of the New Romantic movement. For the first time men wore make-up, & wore feminine, flamboyant clothing. But the major defining moment was the arrival of culture club, and one Boy George, back in the mid eighties. I can still remember the newspapers the next day, as the media, and it seemed the whole country was trying to work out if Boy George was a Man or women. From their we have progressed quite a way. We now have make up for men, products that can aid a man to remove all (and i do mean all) his body hair. Health companies now offer waxing for men, and their have been cases of men, like their female counterparts, developing anorexia. Also it is now persona non gratis to sport a beard. What is wrong with a man looking like a man? I don't have a problem with men who have facials, massages etc, or who use moisturisers, as Black men have been using these for years. But shaving your body hair, and wearing make up and sarongs? What's funny to me is that the women that I have asked the question: Do you wear make-up for your self, or for men, and would you stop wearing it if your man objected?, have all replied that they wear make-up for their own self-confidence, and they would continue to wear it regards of a mans opinion, are often the same people who voice displeasure that a man is sporting a beard., or has body hair. I think that every man that can grow a beard should do so. Regardless of the feminine reception they receive. If you don't like it kool. At least you have the balls to grow one, despite the public/feminine reception you may illicit. It seems to this man that the whole anti-man movement has been pushed by a media that doesn’t welcome the differences between the sexes, and women who like feminine looking men like Brad Pitt. Where are the real men at?

Fix Up!

Guncrime, stabbings have been all the rage recently. Young, mainly black men have been gaining national headlines for all the wrong reasons. In the midst of this violence many quarters have come up with solutions to this predicament. Stiffer punishment to act as a deterrent, arming the police, to new legislation have all been muted. Now I don’t have any definite answers. I look at the youth today, and I can’t say I understand them or know their behaviour. When I was young, forget about the police or the establishment, I had a healthy fear of my parents, particularly my father. The authorities would be nothing compared to me having to face him. And i don’t only mean the physical punishment I would receive at his hands. What was of greater concern to me was the thought of disappointing him. I’m not sure many of the youth today have these same fears. Are they to blame for this? To quote Gina Yassaray “I don’t think so’ to my mind we, as parents, as adults, and especially as men, have failed our children, especially our young men. As parents, I believe that we have brought into this liberal minded thinking meaning that we can’t punishment our children, or challenge them when they are wrong. Then when we decide to say that certain behaviour won’t be accepted, it’s too late. They are used to not being challenged, so why then would they start to change now. I feel that the biggest failure has been men, particularly Black men. We have failed in our duty as fathers, as role models. Now when I say we, I generalise, but even if your not a father, you still have a role to play. Most of us have families where, because of one thing or another, there is a void of a male figure around. Why not fill that gap? And I don’t mean buying presents. Give your time. Make yourself available. And it doesn’t have to be family. Even if your approach is rebuffed, what harm have you done? Fix up!!!!!!!!!

Role Model

In the newspaper yesterday I was reading an article relating to the cancellation of the Snoop Dogg, & P-Diddy tour due to the Home Office refusing to give a Visa to one Mr S Dogg. He was quoted as saying something along the lines of' seeing that I'm a role-model to these kids, my words will have more power than a politician, or any other authority figure. I could address the shootings and stabbings that you have been experiencing over there'. I nearly burst out laughing on the train home. This so-called role model has been arrested for gun & drug possession, has a prominent role in adult movies, and whose language is courser than most. It got me thinking about role models in general. It seems to me that anyone that becomes a celebrity has this responsibility forced upon them. Some love this and will do many charitable acts, visits etc in aid of it, others deny this new found status, and carry on regardless. I thought back to when I was younger, to see if I held up anyone as a role model. Well I admired certain footballers, for their prowess & ability on the pitch, not for their behaviour or morals. Thinking back their were no Singers, Actors etc that I held up as a role model. I wonder if any one (particularly the young) do so now. It seems to me it's a tag fostered upon people by a media that in the same vain, looks for, or even engineers situations to knock these people off their pedestals. (To be lapped up by a hungry public in the Sunday papers)To have a role model that is human, invites disappointment, as often, like us they have their problems, weak areas, but are often held up as perfect. I remember watching the Magnificent Seven. In one scene one of the peasant farmers that the seven are protecting says' you are all heroes’' To which the leader of the seven replies' No you are the heroes, getting up each morning, providing for your families'. Looking back, my role models were my parents. They installed the values that have made me the person I am, for better & for worse. They were & still are icons that I hold up, in my role as a father, an employee, and as a husband

Word Of Mouth

Like most great ideas (!)A new way of advertising, from the US to set to hit these shores. It seems that most of us do not buy into the claims made by adverts and the like, with revenues falling, the companies that be have hit upon a new way of pushing their products. Unpaid volunteers will be send free products that they will be encouraged to discus with their friends/ strangers. My boy Mike hyped me to this, and said that we all do this to some extent already. Whilst this is true, I hope this new 'idea' fails. What could be worse than a friend (or a complete stranger) going on about a product greatness. It would totally put me off. And I'm not so sure I agree with my learned friend Mike, regarding that fact that we do this already. I can't remember the last time me, or Mike, or any friend of mine had a conversation about the greatness of my Branded TV, jeans, MP3 player, or the like. Besides if we do, we do it out of a genuine love for that product, not because Adidas have kindly sent us a product to push. I like many have been a victim to adverts, which have caused me to spend money that I haven't got to purchase something I don't need. I mean you tell me, does U2 advertising the latest limited addition Ipod, or Kate Moss pushing Rimmel make-up products make you want to purchase said items? Saying that I do rely on certain brands. I love Kellogg’s Cornflakes, and I have found Sony products to be reliable, and I like the cuts of Levi jeans. So maybe I am a prime candidate for said products. It's got to the point that giant companies that sponsored every thing, from the premier league, to Big Brother, to children's programme (especially around Christmas). I have often wondered what return companies get from this form of advertising. Who knows I could be wrong, and word-of-mouth advertising is the newest craze for 2007. I think that this is another desperate measure from companies who have realised that we DON'T buy into the hype.