Agape Love

Recently I and my wife celebrated eight years of married life. Like many, in this time we have had our ups and downs. In this time we have moved home twice, and had three children. People I know often ask me the secret of a happy marriage. Well, after I tell them that I have only been married a minute, and I'm not really qualified to pass out any advice, I then proceed to offer my ten pence worth of advice. For me, the centre of any relationship should be love. Now I know that sounds obvious, even some what clique. But hear me out. How would you describe Love? Is it a feeling' you get in the pit of your stomach, when you see your boyfriend, or your fav movie star? Is it not being able to get that person out of your head, your first thought in the morning, and last thought at night? Well I would agree, to a point. The word love, as used in the English language, is meant to convey, and cover different types of love. The Greek has three meaning covering love. Eros is the romantic, dreamy emotional kind of love, that I mentioned earlier (In London we have a stature of Eros, in Piccadilly) The Greek have a word (which I can't recall now) which describes the love you have for your children and family. But my favorite description of love is the Greek word Agape. Agape love is outward, rather than in ward looking. To my mind this is the love you need to make any relationship work. The Eros love has a shelf life, and is normally based on the physical. As great and beautiful as this is, a relationship can not be built on this (hence you find many marriages/relationships, particularly celebrity, not getting out the blocks)
Agape love seeks what best for your partner, not yourself. It makes you a considerate lover, a good listener, sensitive to their needs, and moods.
The self seeking love that this world seeks to promote, in films, and songs, is nothing but a fleshy duplicate. It wants to please self, get what I need, meet my demands, even if they come before the needs of your partner. A wise man told me, when I had been married only a few months ' I have been married for fifty years. My secret is this. I put my wife needs before my own, and she puts my needs before her own. That way both our needs are met.
Simple isn't it? Well no I'm sorry it isn't. At heart we are all selfish, and this Agape love can take a life time to work out. I still struggle with this (ask my wife) But I have a great mentor. Jesus Christ came to this earth, to do the will of his father, not his own. It’s this agape love that made him lay down his life for me. I pray that, as he changes me to his likeness, this agape love will grow in me, and that my friends, family, and yes my wife & kids will see.

NEWS WORTHY

As I get older in years I recognise many traits and habits of my late father. One of these is my regular routine of gathering news information, via print and T.V. I have always believed that it was important to be aware of the news events happening on a national and international basis. I couldn't understand people who didn't make an effort to be better informed on the major issues of our day. The information I received from my news gathering also helped me to form my political ideals and help me with making decisions in times of local and national elections.

Recently I have noticed a change in the news output in this country. Many have labeled this a dumbing down to the lowest common denominator i.e. celebrity based gossip and trivia. One of the first things to go has been the impartiality of the news production. Recently a BBC correspondent was reprimanded for allowing her personal political viewpoint to affect her reporting of a topical news item (the Israeli Palestinian conflict). Also a recent independent report has found the BBC is not impartial with regard to this same conflict having a pro-Palestinian output.

In the US all pretense of impartiality has been abandoned in some quarters with regard to news output. The Fox News Network now sets the agenda in regard to their news output and freely allows it presenters to express opinions on topical issues of the day.

The other issue that concerns me is who sets the agenda for the news that we read and watch. A current example is the situation regarding a group of Korean Missionaries held hostage by the Taliban in Afghanistan. They were threatened with death unless the authorities met their demands. Two men were executed and more executions were threatened. I watched the nightly news awaiting more information with regards to this but none was forthcoming. I went on to the website seeking more information and none was readily at hand. It was only while searching on this same news website that I found a small section which told me nothing I didn't already know. Even the fact that when they were eventually released came to me via a third party and not on any news organisation. Now if it had been British or American Nationals this would have been a major news item. But Korean Christians two groups that are not considered sexy enough for news (I have issues with the BBC's output with regard to Christians that maybe for another post). Thus my daily news fix has fallen in the last couple of weeks/months. I am not sure where to go for a reliable news source as any news that is presented on screen or in print will always have a human bias attached to it and an agenda to boot.

I would welcome any suggestions as to any news publications that you admire or would recommend.

MENTAL ATTITUDE

He was everything I was not. Built like Mike Tyson as quick as Linford Christie and with football skills to match he made playing the game like all great players look easy. Before him I thought I was a good player after him I KNEW he was great!

He was 4 years older than me but in reality he was 10 years older mentally. He introduced me to the lifestyle of a soul boy with his unique dress sense, his love of soul music (he introduced me to Blues and Soul Magazine), in effect he was the big brother I never had.

What do they have in common? Both are now institutionalised with mental illness. Statistics show that a number of black males that are suffering with mental issues are consistently on the rise. With 5 - 7% of ethnic minorities in the UK and with more black males institutionalised than their white counterparts what can we attribute to the rising levels of mental instability within black males?

I would answer with one word 'cannabis' (or weed, ash, black or any number of street names associated with this drug). Recent scientific study has shown a link between constant cannabis abuse and the variety of mental illnesses. The Government in trying to taggle the rising levels of drug dependancy and use have inadvertently sent out the wrong message with regards to the use of this drug. By de-classifying it from a Class A to a Class B drug they have decriminalised any one found with cannabis in their possession and thus to my mind encouraging it's use.

Back in the mid-90's hip hop was inundated with songs glorifying the use of smoking "blunts" by artists like Redman and Method Man. They even made a film called "How High" which glorified this habit. Recently I saw an interview with Redman where the brother could barely keep the flow of a conversation together, now I would admit there are other circumstances like the pressure of life, racism and day to day pressures that could also be responsible but I believe the increased use of cannabis within the black community needs to be addressed primarily by the Government and the black community itself.

U, Black Maybe!

The latest instalment of Big Brother here in the UK had a first. For the first time in its history here in the UK a person of colour, a young black man actually one the prize of 100,000 pounds. Many had questioned whether this would ever happen (blaming a kind of latent/subtle racism). You would have thought that the black community would embrace such a thing. Alas no. Many a talk show on black radio questioned the 'blackness' of this young man. Apparently Brian had been adopted by a white family from a young age. He also demonstrated attributes that were not common to a black male (from his cockney speaking voice and the pub culture he so loved). This led me to the question what defines 'blackness' (if anything).

When I was young blackness was defined by your musical taste (pop and rock were too white, jazz funk, soul and R&B were okay, the company you kept even the way you walked was also were ways that your blackness was defined. Being a studious pupil was also a crime worthy of judgemental punishment.

Since those days my perspective has changed somewhat blackness to me isn't defined by your musical taste, your choice of clothes, your friends or the way you walk. Blackness is defined by your mindset, thoughts and actions.

Instead of throwing darts at the winner of a reality show why isn't the blackness of drug dealers, pimps any artist that glorifies in negativity (50 cents stand up). Being black in skin tone isn't enough (listen to Night Train by Public Enemy).

In conclusion I would say that defining blackness isn't a straightforward thing and is more a state of mind rather than a code of effects.

Freedom

In the West we are quick to comment on how much freedom we have, as opposed to other countries or cultures around the globe, but how true is this? Let's take a closer look. Freedom to Demonstrate? Well, within reason. Depending on your point of view. The British National Party cannot hold a demonstration against immigration, or the influx of immigrants, because that would violate the new inciting racial hated law(s), as would any body or group demonstrating against homosexuality or a particular religious persuasion ( particularly Islam, or so it seems to me). Also, due to the current war on/with Iraq demonstrations which are not police approved ( i.e. spontaneous) are not permitted within a square mile(I think it's a square mile) of parliament or Downing Street.
Freedom to vote, well, yes, but even this is under threat. There's has been talk in the UK press, that like other countries, the right to vote will be made mandatory for all those of voting age. This is due to the fact that voting figures are declining year upon year, particularly among the young.
Freedom to bring up your children? Again within reason. The Government is under pressure from certain pressure groups, to make it an offense to smack your children, as a form of punishment.
Freedom of movement? Guess what, within reason. The United Kingdom has more closed circuit television (CCTV) than any in the west ( if not the world)( the argument being that these cameras help in the fight on crime, which is not borne out by the facts, as people committing crime raises year on year)
Lastly freedom to own your own home? Well, I'm not sure we do. Our mortgages are normally the biggest out lay from our wages, on average lasting 25 years( which will see an increase as first time buyers struggle to get on the property ladder, Once this is paid off, it would normally be about time to retire (until the government raises the retirement age too 70) where by, God willing you'll have a few years to enjoy 'ownership' of your home, before you die.

In my opinion we are more slave than free, whilst other countries do not pretend that this state of freedom exists.

What has happened to Black Music? Am I the only one that thinks that it's not in a healthy state at the moment? Oh, so you want evidence? Well, I'll give you my first reference point as evidence: The Major labels. They stand accused of not harboring/developing artist signed to their label. There was a time, way back, when, once an artist was signed, they were given time to develop. So no pressure was made to bear on their first CD release, they were given time to develop a live stage act, and limited freedom (which would increase, once sales, or a critical response was forth coming) Look at Ray Charles, for example. Watching his film 'RAY (or reading his biography) you notice, that his early releases did not do too well, but he was given time to find his identity. Not now, Don-e, Omar, Silent Eclipse, London Posse, Demon Boyz, Derek B & Donnie, to name just a few artists that have felt the sting of major label rejection.
Secondly, please stand up: Radio. Playing the same 20 songs, on the hour, every hour for weeks on end. New artists NEED exposure, and we the public have to hear their product to be able to purchase it. The Major labels have a part to play in this, as they will pay stations to put their artist on to the coveted play lists.
Lastly, I & you are to blame. We're lazy. If we took the time to search out the underground scene, we would find vibrant fresh talent, across all musical boundaries, waiting for an audience. Thank good ness for the Internet, which has the Majors running scare, and for downloads, which has given power to the consumer.
What is required are Berry Gordon's of the 00's, who will run, and promote new talent, and not sell out for the quick buck.

Celebrity

There was a time when you could have called me star struck. When I would have gone to some effort to get an autograph, some such thing (normally associated with a sporting Star, say football) or have a chat. Nowadays I don't hold much truck for it, for a couple of reasons. The World now seems obsessed with celebrity, to the extent that each week, a new publication hits the news stand, promising new revealing pictures of the latest hot couple, or chances to win a make over to look like them. Now I know that this isn't a new trend. You can trace the roots of this disease right back to 1940's, 1950's, Hollywood film stars, and like most things seems to have gotten steadily worse. At least back then you had to have done something (or have been good at some activity) nowadays you can be successful just by looking like someone famous (stand up Chantelle) Do you know who I blame for this mess. YOU! & me. If we were more concerned with our own well being, and were happy and content with our own lives, maybe we wouldn't be so concerned with Big Brother, Celebrity Love Island, Hello & OK magazine. It's even got to the point where the TV news is dictated by these issues (i.e. making a song & dance about the winner of 'The Apprentice'!)It saddens me when I see & hear people getting wrapped up in BB, when, to my eyes, it's just a collection of show offs, Bullies, and wannabees.
Now some may argue that it’s harmless fun, a bit of entertainment, to while away the time. Maybe. To me, it’s the lowest common denominator, that, given it’s full range, will lead to a desensitised nation

Friendship Part 2

Regarding my recent blog concerning friendship, one thing that I touched on that I been thinking about lately is my lack of non-black friends. As I write, I would say that I have three good friends. Two black men, and my wife, who happens to be mixed-race. Why no Asian, or white people? I honestly don’t know. It’s not something that I have set out to accomplish. Over time it has just occurred. The closet I got to having a really good white friend was my boy Mark Gooding. Again, this friendship was football related, as he was my partner in the centre of midfield for my old football team. How mark had the gift of the gab, and he would always wind up the opposition, and in the process reduce me to tears. Soon I was being invited around his house, meeting hid Dad & girlfriends (I was a late developer when it came to the ladies). We shared a love of Black music, and enjoyed a good laugh. He was a part time DJ, and he would often do tapes for me of the latest releases. This friendship came to an end, once the team we were in disbanded. Since then I can’t say that an opportunity has arisen for me to develop a friendship with a white male, but I am open to the prospect. The times may be against this happening. Could we be open about our views on Race, with out jeopardising our friendship? I’m not sure. As regards to a friendship with an Asian man, I haven’t experienced anything like this since school days. I still bump into old friends from school, but these are no more than small talk. Why does it bother me? Well I won’t say that it bothers me, but I think that both sides could gain a lot from the experience. But I don’t hold out much hope, as I have discovered that the older I get the less new friends I make.

Friendship

Recently I have been reflecting on the nature of friendship. How would I define it, and has this definition changed over the course of my life? Well, as a child, any one who knew my name, would be someone that I would consider a friend. Then, when was in junior school, a friend was a person that not only knew my name, but someone I would hang with, and play football with, go around their house etc. In secondary school the script was flipped. We were all coming of age, so to speak, and the boundaries and definitions changed again. Friends you may have known, from childhood, were now people who hung out with a different crowd. People were 'peer-pressured' into certain groups, whilst acknowledging, a friend hanging around with people from a so-called 'inferior' group would do major damage to your rep. From the get-go, my friends were defined by football. Some came way of the park, where I would go up to complete strangers and ask for a game. Speaking to people who knew me at that time, i wasn't one who conversed about much else but football, and being shy didn't help. But the love of a kick around was enough for me to pluck up the courage. Secondary school was around the time that I noticed that my definition of friendship changed, and in turn the number of people i could count as a friend decreased. As i refused to be something that I wasn't, I was a floating person, belonging to no group, keeping my head down, and toward the end of my school days, having fallen out with the one guy i used to hang with, spending more time on my own. This was the time when i would pursue certain people to be friends with. Now this wouldn't be based on any shared interests or anything. In truth I don't think it was based on anything but a desire to have a friend. But i soon learnt that friendship wasn't like that. They can't be forced. They just happen. Since these times I have also noticed two things. The first is that the older I get, the less new friends I make. And the second is that I have no real non-black friends. Now how would I define a friend? A friend too me is someone who I can be 'me' with. Someone who I can share the deepest most intimate thoughts from my mind, whilst holding no fear that these will be thrown back in my face. Some one that is not afraid to disagree with me when I'm wrong, who comes to mind when I have great news to share, and is there in times of trouble. Am I a good friend? I couldn't tell you. No doubt I have angered, disappointed, and let down my friends, as they have to me. But they are still my friends, for better or worse. Stand up my Wife, Roddy Rock, and Mikee Fresh. Thanks for your friendship. I hope my friendship is what you have expected

Don't Men Like fashion?

I know that this might be unusual for a man to say, but I like to look good. I enjoy wearing well fitting, fashionable clothes. There I said it. Now you might be wondering so what, don't most people, including men, like to look good? Well not according to the fashion patrol squad that I see on TV, or in publications. Example, on purchasing my daily newspaper on Friday, I read that a colour supplement of the latest fashions would be in the Saturday edition. Upon which, when I purchased the Saturday edition, the colour supplement was dedicated to the latest women’s fashion for that season. Now most of my friends (except Mr. Morgan :) like to look good, and with the limited budget we have, as fathers & husbands, strive to do so. But are we catered for to any extent? No. What's that I hear you say? Don't GQ, Arena, and other 'Men’s' magazines? cater for men? Well to a point. If you can wade through the soft core images of naked women. Why do these publications treat all men as if we are all the same? I'd love a monthly men’s mag which incorporated fashion, health, music, gadgets, with out the soft core images. Oh, yeah and another thing. Do these fashion types think that we all earn 50,000 pounds a year? My same daily newspaper (daily Telegraph) recently had an excellent men’s supplement, fronted by that excellent actor Clive Owen. Inside the latest fashion essentials for the summer season were featured alongside men face & hair products. But, when I had a closer look, the prices quoted made me despair. 50 pounds for a belt*! 500 pounds for a pair of shoes. Who can afford such prices? But, if men’s fashion is more expensive that it's female counterpart, why isn't it given equal exposure? I wrote an e-mail to the fashion editor of the daily telegraph saying as much, but to this day, I’m still waiting for a reply. Lastly, to finish off my moan , could someone explain to me, why, when I do see men’s clothes modeled at a fashion event, that, in my humble, even Worzel Gummridge wouldn’t even be seen dead in any of the clothes worn. Ah, I’m getting to old for this!

Metrosexual Man?

Recently on my way to work I noticed a young 'lady' get onto my carriage. Now I say lady, but I spent most of the journey trying to work out if it was a man or women. The person in question had skinny jeans on, longish hair, clean shaven. Now normally the hips, or the signs of an Adam’s apple would be a giveaway, but both were absent from this person. It got me thinking about the outward appearances of men & women, and how these have changed dramatically over the last 25 years. There was a time where you knew where you stood. Men had beards, facial hair, maybe the occasional earring, chest/body hair, and clothes that were vastly different to their female counter parts. A defining point and change in the landscape was the event of the New Romantic movement. For the first time men wore make-up, & wore feminine, flamboyant clothing. But the major defining moment was the arrival of culture club, and one Boy George, back in the mid eighties. I can still remember the newspapers the next day, as the media, and it seemed the whole country was trying to work out if Boy George was a Man or women. From their we have progressed quite a way. We now have make up for men, products that can aid a man to remove all (and i do mean all) his body hair. Health companies now offer waxing for men, and their have been cases of men, like their female counterparts, developing anorexia. Also it is now persona non gratis to sport a beard. What is wrong with a man looking like a man? I don't have a problem with men who have facials, massages etc, or who use moisturisers, as Black men have been using these for years. But shaving your body hair, and wearing make up and sarongs? What's funny to me is that the women that I have asked the question: Do you wear make-up for your self, or for men, and would you stop wearing it if your man objected?, have all replied that they wear make-up for their own self-confidence, and they would continue to wear it regards of a mans opinion, are often the same people who voice displeasure that a man is sporting a beard., or has body hair. I think that every man that can grow a beard should do so. Regardless of the feminine reception they receive. If you don't like it kool. At least you have the balls to grow one, despite the public/feminine reception you may illicit. It seems to this man that the whole anti-man movement has been pushed by a media that doesn’t welcome the differences between the sexes, and women who like feminine looking men like Brad Pitt. Where are the real men at?

Fix Up!

Guncrime, stabbings have been all the rage recently. Young, mainly black men have been gaining national headlines for all the wrong reasons. In the midst of this violence many quarters have come up with solutions to this predicament. Stiffer punishment to act as a deterrent, arming the police, to new legislation have all been muted. Now I don’t have any definite answers. I look at the youth today, and I can’t say I understand them or know their behaviour. When I was young, forget about the police or the establishment, I had a healthy fear of my parents, particularly my father. The authorities would be nothing compared to me having to face him. And i don’t only mean the physical punishment I would receive at his hands. What was of greater concern to me was the thought of disappointing him. I’m not sure many of the youth today have these same fears. Are they to blame for this? To quote Gina Yassaray “I don’t think so’ to my mind we, as parents, as adults, and especially as men, have failed our children, especially our young men. As parents, I believe that we have brought into this liberal minded thinking meaning that we can’t punishment our children, or challenge them when they are wrong. Then when we decide to say that certain behaviour won’t be accepted, it’s too late. They are used to not being challenged, so why then would they start to change now. I feel that the biggest failure has been men, particularly Black men. We have failed in our duty as fathers, as role models. Now when I say we, I generalise, but even if your not a father, you still have a role to play. Most of us have families where, because of one thing or another, there is a void of a male figure around. Why not fill that gap? And I don’t mean buying presents. Give your time. Make yourself available. And it doesn’t have to be family. Even if your approach is rebuffed, what harm have you done? Fix up!!!!!!!!!

Role Model

In the newspaper yesterday I was reading an article relating to the cancellation of the Snoop Dogg, & P-Diddy tour due to the Home Office refusing to give a Visa to one Mr S Dogg. He was quoted as saying something along the lines of' seeing that I'm a role-model to these kids, my words will have more power than a politician, or any other authority figure. I could address the shootings and stabbings that you have been experiencing over there'. I nearly burst out laughing on the train home. This so-called role model has been arrested for gun & drug possession, has a prominent role in adult movies, and whose language is courser than most. It got me thinking about role models in general. It seems to me that anyone that becomes a celebrity has this responsibility forced upon them. Some love this and will do many charitable acts, visits etc in aid of it, others deny this new found status, and carry on regardless. I thought back to when I was younger, to see if I held up anyone as a role model. Well I admired certain footballers, for their prowess & ability on the pitch, not for their behaviour or morals. Thinking back their were no Singers, Actors etc that I held up as a role model. I wonder if any one (particularly the young) do so now. It seems to me it's a tag fostered upon people by a media that in the same vain, looks for, or even engineers situations to knock these people off their pedestals. (To be lapped up by a hungry public in the Sunday papers)To have a role model that is human, invites disappointment, as often, like us they have their problems, weak areas, but are often held up as perfect. I remember watching the Magnificent Seven. In one scene one of the peasant farmers that the seven are protecting says' you are all heroes’' To which the leader of the seven replies' No you are the heroes, getting up each morning, providing for your families'. Looking back, my role models were my parents. They installed the values that have made me the person I am, for better & for worse. They were & still are icons that I hold up, in my role as a father, an employee, and as a husband

Word Of Mouth

Like most great ideas (!)A new way of advertising, from the US to set to hit these shores. It seems that most of us do not buy into the claims made by adverts and the like, with revenues falling, the companies that be have hit upon a new way of pushing their products. Unpaid volunteers will be send free products that they will be encouraged to discus with their friends/ strangers. My boy Mike hyped me to this, and said that we all do this to some extent already. Whilst this is true, I hope this new 'idea' fails. What could be worse than a friend (or a complete stranger) going on about a product greatness. It would totally put me off. And I'm not so sure I agree with my learned friend Mike, regarding that fact that we do this already. I can't remember the last time me, or Mike, or any friend of mine had a conversation about the greatness of my Branded TV, jeans, MP3 player, or the like. Besides if we do, we do it out of a genuine love for that product, not because Adidas have kindly sent us a product to push. I like many have been a victim to adverts, which have caused me to spend money that I haven't got to purchase something I don't need. I mean you tell me, does U2 advertising the latest limited addition Ipod, or Kate Moss pushing Rimmel make-up products make you want to purchase said items? Saying that I do rely on certain brands. I love Kellogg’s Cornflakes, and I have found Sony products to be reliable, and I like the cuts of Levi jeans. So maybe I am a prime candidate for said products. It's got to the point that giant companies that sponsored every thing, from the premier league, to Big Brother, to children's programme (especially around Christmas). I have often wondered what return companies get from this form of advertising. Who knows I could be wrong, and word-of-mouth advertising is the newest craze for 2007. I think that this is another desperate measure from companies who have realised that we DON'T buy into the hype.

Politik

One of my memories from childhood relates to my junior school closing down for a day, whilst local/national election took place there. Growing up I was fascinated my voting process, and couldn't wait until I turned eighteen to be able to be involved in the whole process. From that age to the present I have always voted, and as I get older I have found that I enjoy watching current events programmes, and watching the news to keep informed about local/national/world affairs. But in the last couple of years, something strange has happened. I have found that I have struggled to choose who to vote for in any elections. It has gotten to the point that when the next general elections arrive, I have considered not voting at all. To some this would be no big deal, and from the stats I have seen, many people, especially the young, are falling to cast their vote. But to me, the thought of not voting, disturbs me. I have always been of the opinion that those who don't vote, shouldn't/can't complain. Also the fact that many great men and women have literally died for the right to vote, the act of not voting would be a slap in the face for all these people. But what are you too do when NO party holds any appeal, or their manifesto is vague, or too ambitious? Many would argue that to the poor, or other sections of society, it doesn’t matter who is in office, as their lives won’t be affected, one way or the other. Also the argument from the youth is that the politicians have failed to engage the young in the political process. The political process affects all of us, from the taxes we pay, to the running of our hospitals, police force, etc. Thoughts?

Weary

Yesterday two items on the news brought Race back into the nation psyche. In Sheffield CCTV footage of a then nineteen year old black female being struck 5 times, whilst being restrained, has been released, whilst an Conservative homeland security spokesman Patrick Mercer has lost his front line post in the shadow cabinet, concerning comments he made to the Times newspaper concerning ethnic minority soldiers in the British Army. He is quoted as saying among other things: he had met "a lot" of "idle and useless" ethnic minority soldiers who used racism as a "cover". "They prospered inside my regiment, but if you'd said to them 'Have you ever been called a nigger,' they would have said 'Yes.' "But equally, a chap with red hair, for example, would also get a hard time - a far harder time than a black man, in fact." Mr. Mercer added: "But that's the way it is in the Army. If someone is slow on the assault course, you'd get people shouting: 'Come on you fat bastard, come on you ginger bastard, come on you black bastard.'" He also said: "I came across a lot of ethnic minority soldiers who were idle and useless, but who used racism as cover for their misdemeanors.”I remember one guy from St Ann's (Nottingham) who was constantly absent and who had a lot of girlfriends. "When he came back one day I asked him why, and he would say: 'I was racially abused.' And we'd say: 'No you weren't, you were off with your girlfriends again.'" Sometimes, not often I get weary of the whole thing. Weary of having to explain to people my views on Racism, weary explaining why I often don't feel totally at home in this country. Weary that even in Jamaica, the country of my parent’s birth, that I felt like an outsider, as I was often reminded that I was English. Weary of having to explain to people why my friends have difficulty in supporting England at sport events, when they have been racially abused. And weary of some ladies not stopping to talk to me in the street, when I want to ask for directions, or crossing the road, when I'm walking towards them. I wish I could say that dialogue was the way forward, but over the years I realize that this isn't true. If anything people become polarized in their views, with little learnt on each side. Alas I don't have any answers. I just ask God to examine my heart and to cleanse me of Bitterness, envy, hatred. Not a bad place to start. How can you explain the hurt you feel being called’ a nigger, or of being told to go back home. From a white perspective I suppose it might be similar to seeing the TV reports of the War in Iraq, or drought in an African country. Firstly you are shocked, but in time you become immune to such things, maybe even angry that these things are shown & reported. I often wish for my child like innocent, when race, colours were no factor in the friendships formed, or your world view. I fear that as we go on, that things will get worse. Time will tell.

An Altar of Convience?

Recently Amillia Taylor came into this world breaking all sorts of record. She was born weighing just 280 grams (10 ounces, and measuring just 9.5in (241mm). She spent less then 22 weeks in her mother’s womb, and the likelihood of her survival was deemed as very slim. The neurosurgeon that catered for her welfare was quoted as saying that this event would give a new angle to the Abortion issue. At the present the following are the legal stipulations for abortion in the UK :Abortion is allowed in England, Wales and Scotland to save a woman's life, for health, economic or social reasons. Two registered medical practitioners must certify that the required medical grounds have been met. The procedure must be carried out, except in emergency, in a National Health Service hospital or in a nursing home, private hospital or other approved place. The consent of the spouse is not a prerequisite of the medical termination. Abortions are only allowed up until 24 weeks.The first thing struck me is the term economic, or social reasons. Also the fact that the spouse need not agree with his partner wish to abort the pregnancy. So in the UK at least, little Amillia would have been 'Aborted' terminated, or killed, whilst having the capacity to survive, and develop into a healthy human being. The way I see it, the women carrying this child has rights, and opinions, that are protected, but the father has no say and more importantly, who protects the innocent life of the child? The Law? Not, at present the law. If anything abortion can be used as a' birth control method. I do not mean to flame people, on what can be a very emotive matter, but I will not go along with the, so-called majority world view on this, when this procedure goes contrary to God's law. Why isn't the option of adoption muted more forcefully? Yes, giving birth to an unwanted baby can cause all sorts of emotional trauma, and social upheaval, but the abortion can also lead to women harboring feelings of guilt, and lost, leading to counseling. The pendulum has swung from one extreme, (abortion being illegal, leading to back street abortion) to the present days, so called free for all.

A Job ain't nothing but work!

Recently, the government has announced an initiative to encourage single parents back to work. They announced that this would increase, the mainly women’s, self worth & esteem. A by product of this would be a reduction of the benefits paid out to single parents. At the moment benefits are paid the single parents, allowing them not to work, until their children reach 16. The government propose to reduce this figure to 12, in 3 years. This would reduce the benefits bill, and enable the money to be spend else where. To my mind the governments are targeting the wrong group of people. I believe that they should be encouraging one parent to be able to stay at home (and I don't have a problem with men occupying this position) and targeting the many people that can work, but don't, as they live of the state. To my mind the development of our children is THE most important aspect of our society, as they are the future leaders, and employees of this nation. Many parents I speak would love to be able to afford to stay at home with their children. But they simply can't afford it. Also, if the government were serious about encouraging parents back to work, you'd think they would establish care groups to look after the children while their parents work, or encourage more employers to establish crèches within their premises. More attention should be directive at getting healthy work shy people back to work. This in turn would reduce the benefits bill, benefit the economy, and increase the self worth of the individuals concerned. What better example to children, to see their parents work, whether that be in a office, or as a House husband/wife/parent.

Keep it Real

As I may have mentioned in an earlier blog, I am currently sporting a bald haircut that hides the fact that I have been going bald from the age of 28. I quite like this hair style, and have no qualms with brothers (or sisters) who sport something similar due, like myself, to hair follicles dying, or for some other fashionable reasons. But could someone please explain to me why a number of, sane, intelligent, beautiful, mainly Black women feel the need to wear a hair weave? Now, if like myself, they have a scalp problem, then I would completely understand, but the majority of these women, have a good strong healthy head of hair. At work, I asked a colleague of mine this same question. Her response(s) were thus: ' Some women are tired of having to spend hours styling their hair, and a weave allows them to 'pat & go'. Some have been doing it for so long that their hair line starts on their neck back, so they don't have a choice (stand up Venus & Serena Williams!) We are all coloured with the same brush, the amount of times I have women coming up to me, admiring my weave, when I DON"T have one'.
Now trust me when I say that if I can spot a weave, it must be bad. Now, from my research, these weaves can cost up to 60 GBP. Why not get your own God-given hair styled. I have also seen women lift them up to scratch their heads! The thing is Black hair can be styled in numerous hair styles, from the natural look, Locks, relaxed, to name just a few. Soon the amount of women fighting me for the last shaving gel on the counter will explode, driving the price up, leading me to use soap & water. So for my sake (& my bank balance) let it grow :)

Is sorry ever enough?

To celebrate the 200 year old anniversary of the abolition of slavery, various projects are in the offering. Hollywood is set to produce a film based on the life of William Wilberforce, the gentlemen who worked tirelessly over many years to get the English parliament to establish the act that brought this trade to an end. Watching the news tonight, I observed a descendant of Wilberforce, who has shackled himself in chains, and is marching down to London, to highlight the need for the British government to apologize for benefiting from this trade in Human life. Now my thoughts on this are numerous. Firstly, the people that need to do the apologizing, and the people that need to hear it are both dead. Also apologizing won't change the fact that these events took place. There is also the fact of who do you apologize to? The African descendents of slaves, the Caribbean descendents? Also, what if this apology isn't accepted, what then? Reparation? What figure could you put to compensate for the death, misery, destruction of a Race? Yes I acknowledge that many institutions, including the church, Lloyds of London, and Many American corporations have bloodied their hands, and have made a lot of money of this trade, and, in theory, I can see how an apology might be deemed as closure in this episode, but I fear that an apology might encourage certain parties to seek money as damage caused to the black race. This too me would be a disgrace, to minise the suffering of slaves in monetary terms. The one thing we would be wise to do is: Learn from history, and never repeat these mistakes of the past.

There is no Competition

I love sports. Since I have been old enough to remember, sports have played a pivotal part in my life. First there was association football, which I found, to my delight, that I had a talent for. My love for football blossomed into a love affair, which only now is beginning to wane. From there I grew to love cricket( I wasn't bad at cricket) Rugby( not bad but wasn't strong enough to play)Basketball ( I was crap) and American football( Which I have never played, but still enjoy watching), and athletics. School was a time where I learnt to play, and compete in these activities, and even today those memories have stayed with me. But whoa to be young and in school nowadays. Where as in my days, teachers would take the time to supervise after school clubs, and games, nowadays, from what I can gather, this doesn't happen, largely due to health & safety fears, and the pressures placed on teachers. Also, the competitive aspect of sports is being taken out of schools, as administrators deem that the losing aspect in competitive sport could traumatise children, and delay their development. So no sports day, or inter class or schools leagues. To my mind they are trying to kill childhood all together. Trust me when I tell you that I never liked to lose (still don't) But I learnt that you can learn a lot from losing. But the biggest thing competitive sports can teach children are life lessons. Like it or not, when your children grow up, they will be in a competitive market. From getting that Job, or promotion, to winning that girls love, life is competitive. Sports can be a good preparation for this. Besides it's only by knowing the despair of defeat that you can fully enjoy the elation that victory brings. Besides this sports are beneficial for the health of our children. Many a time, me, my brother, and friends, would spend hours at the park, playing cricket, football or some such sport. This in turn gave us a love of physical activity that has stayed with us to this day. Plus we have made friendship that have lasted a lifetime. Now I know that nowadays there are more distractions with the computer, and satellite TV being available, but if schools could bring back the competitive element back into our education system, the benefit would extent to the whole nation. Lastly, as 2012 looms closer, to be in for a shout of any medals, wouldn’t it be wise to prepare our children to be competitive now?

What drives you?

Recently on the news, Britney Spears has been admitted into a clinic, and has taken to sporting a shaved head, which she proceeded to cut in front of a baying media circus. Robbie Williams has admitted himself into a rehabilitation clinic, claiming an addiction to pain killing tablets, whilst in recent weeks we have seen the news of the death of ex-model Anna Nicole Smith. Finally, the model named Caprice is recovering in Hospital after allegedly taking an overdose of pain killers. A source said' She has found that the celebrity she chased is empty'
This morning on the way to work, listening to a Pod cast of a sermon on Elijah (thanks Mike for introducing me to this wonderful world, and to your own Pod cast) the preacher said' everyone has a god of their life. That God is whoever/whatever they place their trust, time, and emotion'. I pondered this in my own life. What drives me? What do I place as important in my life? I would love to say the Lord, his word, the company of fellow Christians. But that would not be the whole truth. If I'm honest, I spend time in pursuits that are self centred, that often take me away from the ones I love, and in the end mean nothing. Television used to be my drug of choice, but I weaned myself of watching the latest must see series, only to replace it by my Computer. Trust me when I tell you that when that isn't working, it often feels like a void in my life sad, but true. What about yourself? Is it an interest in celebrity, pop culture, Big brother and the like? Is it an hobby that consumes your time, or a person? The thing is I believe that we are all made with a hole in our lives, a missing something that can only be filled with a relationship (and not religion) with a Living holy God. But the things of this life, and the cares of this world, distort our true meaning. We fill it with Television, and the latest clothes, and gadgets (guilty as charged!). Now I'm not saying these things are bad, but too much of these things can distort your view, and consume you. So who is your God? Even if you don’t follow Christ, you can still be involved in practices that in the end consume your time, but amount to nothing in the end.

Grey Areas

On the way home from work yesterday, I happened to read an article about a forth coming programme on channel 4, entitled 'BATTYMAN'(for those of you who don't know, this is a derogatory term for gay men) the programme centres on a Black comic, who also happens to be gay. Now anyone living in the black community will know that being black and gay is a volatile mix that many in the community will not accept. I even had an e-mail this morning from a colleague who advised me not to watch it, and labelled it as a, and I quote 'disgrace' unquote. Well, after reading the article, I thought I'd express my views on the whole 'Gay’ subject matter, so to speak. Well, firstly, as a Christian, historically there has been a chasm between the Homosexual life style, and the Christian walk. Sometimes verging on hate (from both sides).To me it seems that in this day & age, we are encouraged not to have any absolutes. Right and wrong are relative to the individual. What's good for me might not be for you, but that doesn't make it wrong. Feelings are the indicators that should be used. If it feels good, do it. Well God, to my mind doesn't work like that. Reading his word, you can be clear that he views things as right or Wrong (Righteous, or sinful). No grey areas. And on this matter, he is very clear (See Romans 1 and Genesis 19) now in the days and times we live in, for me to express such a view can be deemed as me preaching hate. Far from it. I abhor the fact that gay men & women are attacked, verbally & physically, are driven out from their families, lose jobs and friendship due to their lifestyle choice. BUT, I believe that Homosexuality is a sin, that's it's a lifestyle choice, and that it goes contrary to God design, purpose, and word. This is a very emotive subject, especially within the black community. I admire this gentlemen taking this stance, and, very publicly, outing himself in this manner. The debate it causes, may, at the least save a life( he was prompted into doing this programme, due to the homophobic death of a friend in Clapham) I will watch this programme, and am willing to discuss the matters raised from it, and this blog, in a civilised manner.

Talkin all that Jazz

Over in the UK, like the rest of the world, we have numerous award shows. One of the major music awards are the MOBO (Music of Black Origin) Last year, the organisers behind this award decided to drop the Jazz category. I think the official reason was something along the lines of a 'restructuring of the music categories'. Now those who know me know I don't hold much truck with award shows. I think their just a reason for people to slap each other on the back, a have a good night out. Also what criteria do they use to establish what film, or album is better than another? But this decision by the MOBO was scandalous. What was worse, very few so-called Black Music organisation had the 'Kohoonas' to report this (Stand up Touch magazine) you may be surprised to know that their was a demonstration outside the Royal Albert hall Venue. This was just another kick in the groin for Jazz, which has been on the ropes for a while. Now i don't claim to be an expert on Jazz, and i maybe am on the right person to try and defend it in print, but I feel that if people invest a little bit of time in this genre, they would come out with a love & respect for it. The trick is to find an instrument that you enjoy listening to, and exploring the many different styles from there. For example I enjoy jazz Guitar. Now the first artist I flirted with was Ronny Jordan. I brought all his stuff, and then got hipped to Norman Brown. Now Ronny was more acid jazz/ street compared to Norman Brown, was verged onto a more smooth jazz terrain. Form there I read that Ronny's idol was Wes Montgomery. At this time a documentary about Wes was on TV, and although his work is based in the 1960's I like what I heard, and am in the process of securing his work, via Amazon, and my Local Library. From there i went onto George Benson, especially his earlier, more jazz tinged work. The thing is, like all music, you have to hear the music to be able to have an opinion on it, not so easy in these days of radio play lists, playing the same songs. You can develop a liking for this genre. My Boy Mike Morgan, and his lovely partner, accompanied me and my wife to a Ronny Jordan concert (who he had never heard of!) from what I can remember he had a great night, and thoroughly enjoyed himself.
So don't be like the MOBOs. Don't fake the funk on Jazz!

The Heart

Prov 4:23 (KJV) Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of
it are the issues of life.

Prov 4:23 (TEV) be careful how you think; your life is shaped
by your thoughts.

Proverbs 4:23 (NLT) Above all else, guard your heart, for it
affects everything you do.

Often people have asked me why I choose the path of Christianity, as opposed to other world 'religion'. And normally I'd explain my life story and experiences, and I would go into great detail, using Bible verses to back up my words. Having spoken to my good friend Michael Morgan, I promised I'd put my thoughts on this blog for all to see. Not being a theologian or bible scholar, please excuse my humble attempt to explain and represent the almighty. I hope these words will cause many to think and investigate these issues for themselves.

For me the issue at hand, regarding God, sin, death, eternal life, can all be summed up in one word: HEART. The three verses at the beginning of this post, are three transaction of the same verse (I did this to show clarity) How what do I mean/understand by the term heart? The heart is your mind, conscience, or thought life. It determines your behaviour, opinions. How another Bible verse states: The heart is wicked above all things :( Forgive me but I can't remember which book of the bible this relates to) in plain speak, this states that, our mind are naturally evil, from day one. We don't need to be programmed to be evil, it's apart of our original programme. How when I read the bible, and read this, this resonated with me. I reflected over my life, to that point. My actions and thoughts. The conclusion I came too was that, for me, this was true. I didn't need to coerced to do wrong. Many times I wanted to. Still do. So that rang true. But then in my minds eyes, I thought' I not as bad as others. I go to church, don't swear, respect my parents, I live and let live. I'm heaven bound,. But again the bible spoke to me; Romans 3:23 says: 'For ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God'. So as good as I thought I was, it was still WAY short of God's mark. I then looked at the 10 commandments. (See Exodus Chapter 20) Going through them, I realised there were some I hadn't committed, and some that I had. I made a vow to do better. But then God's word killed that. Romans 3:20 states: Therefore no-one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.
So the 'Law' as such made me conscious of my sin, or wrong-doing, but obeying it wouldn't gain me God's pleasure or a home with him for eternity.
I then realised that I was beat. But I read further on in Romans. Chapter 6:23: For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. So through Jesus’ death, and resurrection, I had provision into God's presence. He took my place, and died the death I deserved, so that I could have a relationship with The Lord God. The last verse that stood out for me was Romans: 10:9: because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. I confessed not only this, but all my sins (actions and thoughts that were/are opposed to God's way) I believed that that he was raised from the dead in 3 days. I asked Jesus to be my Lord of my Life. Now my aim in this isn't to persuade you into accepting Christ, but to document why I choose this course of action. I haven't got all the answers, but I'm willing to discuss any points you would like clarified.

Further reading:

Matthew 5

The Book of Romans

The Book of Proverbs

Television

Many of my happiest memories relating to my childhood relate to the television. The earliest ones would be of me & my brother and Sisters getting up early to watch the Jackson 5 animated cartoon (anyone old enough to remember that?)As we got older their were many shows we would watch together. Magnum PI, The Muppet show (the two old men in the balcony would drive my dad to tears) and many sporting moments (Me and my brother watching our first world cup, of 1978). It would also be the cause of many heated arguments, and fights (whoever had the controls normally was king or queen for that day) at that time you had three channels, and children’s TV was limited to a couple of hours in the evening, and early mornings at the weekend.
My, how times have changed. With the digital area, we have more channels than we could ever have imagined, around the clock news, and sports, reality TV, to name but a few. Now this would normally be the part you'd expect me to bemoan those golden days, complain about the sex and violence on TV, and wish those bygone days would return. But I won't follow that script. I do believe that WE are responsible for the quality of television that we have at the moment. Good or bad. For example, last summer, here in England, ITVs big rating puller was 'Celebrity Love Island', where so called celebrities were spirited away to an exotic location, and were encouraged to pair off, under the watchful eyes of the cameras. Each week the general public voted off one celeb, until a 'King' and 'Queen' were left to win the grand prize. Well, the viewing figures were such that, the programme was moved to the 'graveyard shrift' of 10-11 o’clock at night, and no further programmes are to be commissioned.
We ultimately hold the power to control a programme's destiny. Similarly if 8 million people are engrossed by Big Brother, this confirms to the programme makers that there is an audience out there, and further series will be commissioned. To my mind there is lot of quality on TV, you just need to sift through the weeds to find them. At one point in my life, i would literally run home to watch things, have my tape recorder on permanent over drive recording episodes of 'ER', and the West Wing, and felt annoyed if something came in between them. One week, I decided to 'Fast' from TV, to see if I could live without it. I won't lie it wasn't easy. I found that certain programmes that me and the wife would watch, and spend time together, were out and we would often be in separate rooms. But you know what? I survived. I still watch TV, but it's not the be all of everything. I can take it or leave it. Can you?

Fighting a losing battle

Recently I went to watch Rocky Balboa. The thing that struck me (apart from the lame Boxing scenes) was Sly Stallone. How he had aged. And by aged I don't mean his body (which for a 60 year old, was in excellent shape) but his face. it seemed like it was sliding downwards, and he actually looked like his mother( and, if you have seen her recently, isn't a good thing) This got me thinking about age. And our perception of it. Now Sly, famously, has Plastic Surgery, around the time of Rocky 2, and for a while he had a good run with it, but father time as caught up, as he always does. Joan Rivers is another. Now my question to you all is: What is wrong with looking your age and getting older? Now I say this as a Man who, at 39 is going bald, and has a peppering of grey hair in among my facial hair, who is not as light as he once was, and has puffy eyes, with wrinkles attached. Now for a Man, one of the most traumatic experiences can be going bald, as our hair defines us, and I won't lie, and say that I didn't/don't miss it on some days. But I came to the realization that, I couldn't get it back, and as i had been shaving my hair bald from 20, it was just less to shave :)
Now I'm not a woman, but I realize that society judges women differently in this matter than men. But I still think it looks glorious to see a grand mother with a head of gray hair, as opposed to her religiously dyeing it. But I'm told living is for the young, and it's not a world that respects the old. And on the whole they may be right. Old age is seen as something to fight off, and deny, as you'll only have a old people home too look forward to. In some society the elderly our seen as an Iconic group whose views on life are sought out and respected, and our treated with the dignity that they deserve (even through you can get some grumpy old people who always complain that it was ‘Better in my day)
I would say embrace Old Age, and treat Gray hair as crowning glory, you have earned. Either way it comes to us all.

A Man's worth

What is a Man's worth? To society, to his children to himself? I ask the question as I feel that his worth, his feeling of well being, his importance within society, is being attacked, and eroded. The need for a male influence within the family structure is often questioned, but the results are there for all to see. This isn't an attack on the many ladies who single handily bring up, and support children with no male presence, BUT, without a male influence within any family, we are depriving our children of an structure, essential to their well being, and future success. Think I'm being dramatic. I remember a few years watching a documentary dealing with a British Women's attempt to become a Porn actress. I watched as she was documented auditioning for roles, and being made to perform acts, that on one occasion led to the Narrator and the film crew having to step in, and rescue her, for her own safety.
It transpires that she initially had wanted to be a page 3, and she had often seen her father viewing these, and wanting to gain his approval, she had started her career in the Industry. She broke down, and yearned for closeness with her father. Now I'm not saying everyone, or every situation can be explained away in this matter, but it opened my eyes to how important a role a father has within his family. Let me also add that, for a Boy, if his Father isn't teaching him how to be a Man, someone is. Whether that’s the streets, his peer group, he will learn from some source.
I know from my own experience. My father passed away when I was fourteen, and had been ill from the time I was 9. Much of who I am, especially how I relate to my own kids, are from words, and actions that I can still remember from my dad. I was in awe of him (as most kids are) His death, and the lack of a father figure within my life haunted me for years. Maybe that is one reason why I felt drawn to a Faith in the almighty, as he became, and still is, my father.
So what is a Man’s worth?? You tell me!

Go Home

Yesterday a good friend of mine was racially abused, outside their daughter's school. Among other things they were told to, and I quote 'F***ing go back Home'. Whilst home happens to be Luton, I got the impression that this isn't what the person meant. What with the controversy concerning Big Brother, and the Government attempt to thwart racism through legalistic ways, I wonder, as some have been quoted as saying, that Racism isn't a major issue as in past times, and that we in this country have got our house in order. Try telling that to my friend. To my mind, laws, as well intended as they are, can't govern the heart and minds of men and women. Only God can do that, and change them. What also saddens me is that both parties were female. Now in the current climate that we live in, this may come across as sexist, but I'm the kind of man that can not bear to hear a lady swear, let alone use vulgar racist overtones. Plus I always thought that Women had certain sympathy with racial issues, as they run parallel with gender issues. Naïve I know. Are any answers here? No, life isn’t that simple. As the Good Book says’ teach a child the ways to go, and they shall never depart’ I am responsible to my children, to nurture them into adults, that, whilst knowing these things exist (and other evils) that they, with the Lords help, need not pick up these bad behavioural habits.

Work

Question? Do you like your Job? Do you look forward to going into the office/factory, where ever, even on a Monday? Why do I ask? Well, by God's grace I have been duly employed since the age of 18, in various, mainly office based jobs. Some of been for private firms, whilst others have been for Local and central government. They have all had one thing in common. I couldn't stand any of them. Now don't get me wrong. I don't begrudge working, and I enjoy getting paid. I just wish that I had a job that I enjoyed. I look around my work environment and on the tube in the morning, and i see motivated people hard at it, focused, with their game suit on. Me? I'm just trying to survive. I usually split my days into segments. First part is start time to lunch time. If I can make it to lunch time, without any major hiccups, or problems, then I'm doing OK. Then Lunch time is the highlight, where I can surf the Web, read, chat to friends, what ever. After lunch (what a downer) I then set my sites on 3 o'clock. I don't know why. it seems that after that time, I'm on count down, until I can go home( If you have seen the film, school of Rock, I'm like Jack Black Character, who when it's time to go home, hi-fives all the kids in the front row of his class that he is teaching) Sad en? Am I alone? Oh I must add that I enjoy the taking tube into work, as i get an hour to read, and listen to my Ipod, to either prepare myself for the day ahead, or to chill out from another day in the office. Has it always been like this? Well, yes. The only Job that I wanted to do when I left school( Professional Footballer)I wasn't good enough to do, and I realised that what ever job I did, I wouldn't ever enjoy. Sadly, I have been proved right.

Whuddup world

I'm kinda fed up of my boy Mikey Fresh (www.michaelmorgan.co.uk) taking so long to post stuff up on his site so I've decided to make one of my own...ok so Mike set it up for me, hope you enjoy!