Weary

Yesterday two items on the news brought Race back into the nation psyche. In Sheffield CCTV footage of a then nineteen year old black female being struck 5 times, whilst being restrained, has been released, whilst an Conservative homeland security spokesman Patrick Mercer has lost his front line post in the shadow cabinet, concerning comments he made to the Times newspaper concerning ethnic minority soldiers in the British Army. He is quoted as saying among other things: he had met "a lot" of "idle and useless" ethnic minority soldiers who used racism as a "cover". "They prospered inside my regiment, but if you'd said to them 'Have you ever been called a nigger,' they would have said 'Yes.' "But equally, a chap with red hair, for example, would also get a hard time - a far harder time than a black man, in fact." Mr. Mercer added: "But that's the way it is in the Army. If someone is slow on the assault course, you'd get people shouting: 'Come on you fat bastard, come on you ginger bastard, come on you black bastard.'" He also said: "I came across a lot of ethnic minority soldiers who were idle and useless, but who used racism as cover for their misdemeanors.”I remember one guy from St Ann's (Nottingham) who was constantly absent and who had a lot of girlfriends. "When he came back one day I asked him why, and he would say: 'I was racially abused.' And we'd say: 'No you weren't, you were off with your girlfriends again.'" Sometimes, not often I get weary of the whole thing. Weary of having to explain to people my views on Racism, weary explaining why I often don't feel totally at home in this country. Weary that even in Jamaica, the country of my parent’s birth, that I felt like an outsider, as I was often reminded that I was English. Weary of having to explain to people why my friends have difficulty in supporting England at sport events, when they have been racially abused. And weary of some ladies not stopping to talk to me in the street, when I want to ask for directions, or crossing the road, when I'm walking towards them. I wish I could say that dialogue was the way forward, but over the years I realize that this isn't true. If anything people become polarized in their views, with little learnt on each side. Alas I don't have any answers. I just ask God to examine my heart and to cleanse me of Bitterness, envy, hatred. Not a bad place to start. How can you explain the hurt you feel being called’ a nigger, or of being told to go back home. From a white perspective I suppose it might be similar to seeing the TV reports of the War in Iraq, or drought in an African country. Firstly you are shocked, but in time you become immune to such things, maybe even angry that these things are shown & reported. I often wish for my child like innocent, when race, colours were no factor in the friendships formed, or your world view. I fear that as we go on, that things will get worse. Time will tell.